how do you spend your free time? are you trying to fill it with friends, events, books, music, distraction of any kind? or do you breathe and stop and recognize every doubt and bad thought in you, no matter how forbidden or inappropriate it may feel? sometimes it just feels .. good .. deliberating to have some bad thoughts. some doubts that you know and that you don't have the strength to struggle with. sometimes it doesn't disable you to carry on - instead, it feels good to wallow in sadness and uncertainty. it feels calming and comforting to get lost in sadness. you admit yourself to not fight. to not be strong and optimistic. you fall into unworried worries because you know how it feels and you know it will pass by. and by the way, you can possibly create something worth mentioning when you're in that mood many artists appreciate. i wonder how that sounds to someone who doesn't know that feeling i can't name.
p.s. how do you make angled parentheses on a macbook? google.